My BluHeaven: 418

"You are not alone.... I've been here the whole time, singing you a song.... "
-Ruelle ft Fleurie, Carry You-

You flipped my life, shifted my soul, and filled my days with so much love and magic. That first time you called me mom will echo in my heart for all eternity. I'd help carry the weight of the world for you, and it would give me so much joy to do so. I never saw you coming, but I know I don't want a life without you in it... because that feels like unraveling, like unbecoming. I used to think I didn't want to be a mom, but I think maybe the universe was saving me, just for you.. because now that is all I want to be, your momma... My heart and arms will always be open for you. You're my son, the only one I want, and I love you.

Just know that... you are the greatest thing that ever happened to me J. 💙💙💙 You deserve the world, you deserve all the love, and hugs, and happiness. And I would do everything in my power to give it to you. I miss you with all that I am, and I worry about you, and I love you, and you are constantly on my mind. I could lose anything, but I could never bear losing you. I love you more than there are stars in every universe kiddo, Love you to the moon and back.

So don't lose hope, There is a future, filled with stars, and laughter, and love, and dance, and friends, and softness, and the ocean, and music and magic... it's yours no matter what. I love you kiddo, and I refuse to abandon you. I will move heaven and earth for you. I'll always show up for you, always be your safe space and warm hugs.. and I'd spend a lifetime showing you just how much you mean to me.

Momma 💙

PS: I kind of wanted to gather everything in one place in case you don't get through the older posts. So here's like..... things I made/got for you that weren't birthday/christmas. Anway, love you kiddo
*supermassive hugs*
💙

Christmas stocking

The most awesome doomslug ever

Blanket

Libra the narwhal

Pillow

Pingwing

Humpback whale fam (literally cuddling one right now)

And a Beanie :D

There's a marching scarf, it's just not done yet.

There's a few other things, but gotta have some surprises 💙

All the bedroom sneak peeks (and a jackdaw)

Cleaned up and preloaded the 2nd ipad for you. Zoom, so you can talk with everyone, netflix and youtube and other streaming apps, and a bunch of architecture/design stuff that was recommended... sketchup, morpholio trace, concepts, and procreate I left on for you. These work for most design stuff, not just architecture, so still useful for mechanical engineering etc. Oh, AND! I found all my old trad art stuff... so there's a bunch of empty sketchbooks, charcoal, (brand new that I never used) colour pencils etc. Plus the books and stuff.. you are set kiddo.

I found we have an exceptional Architecture program here. Also, importantly, your college (university) is funded, because I don't want you to have the burden of student loans. So if you'll let me.... if you want... I'll put your ass through the Architecture program here, full ride... and cover as much other stuff as I can, so you can save towards the future... a house, etc. That fund is yours for college either way, we just have a very nice, architecture school here, which is kind of serendipitous, I thought. Anyway, love you kiddo.
Love you.