369: I Do Not Know Everything may 31

I don't know if I can forget all the times you asked me to please don't let go, and told me it wasn't allowed... I will always think about that.... 💙

“… And I know your laugh and your cry
because it lives inside me,
and how to hold your heart
while the stars burn in the sky. 

And so you see, I do not know everything. 

But I know you're my why.
For now.
For always.
Forever.”
Shared with permission of Jessica Urlichs 

Wherever you are, whatever is happening... please be ok... please be ok... please remember me, remember hope, remember love, please make it out... I need to give you a hug, and show you all the things, and visit the ocean with you, and binge merlin with you and hold you and give you whales and doomslugs and jackdaws, and I want to see you perform, I want to see you graduate, I want to send you to college, I want you to become and architect or whatever your heart desires... and all the other things we talked about.. but mostly I want to give you all the love and hugs and peace and happiness, and the world and all the fucking stars and me because you deserve all of that and every good thing in life

I made you a Christmas stocking 😌
Love you

367

*drowns you in 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙

Found a Lebanese place! Saving it to try when you're here 

Cleaned up and preloaded the 2nd ipad for you. Zoom, so you can talk with everyone, netflix and youtube and other streaming apps, and a bunch of architecture/design stuff that was recommended... sketchup, morpholio trace, concepts, and procreate I left on for you. These work for most design stuff, not just architecture, so still useful for mechanical engineering etc. Oh, AND! I found all my old trad art stuff... so there's a bunch of empty sketchbooks, charcoal, (brand new that I never used) colour pencils etc. Plus the books and stuff.. you are set kiddo. Love you.

I downloaded SketchUp, Morpholio, and Concepts 

SketchUp

Morpholio

Concepts

Books

366

love you too much kiddo
miss you too much too I'm sorry

I never did get to tell you that Dani is my nickname.... has been well before you were born... maybe it's a sign... we were put in each other's path, I was meant to be your mother... I believe that, Si believes that. It feels true and right in my heart and in my soul.

358

Never underestimate how important you are to me and how much I care about you and want you in my life kiddo. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the medical shit, the chaos, everything, all that is you... I love all of it, all of you, and I want nothing more in life than you here, home safe. I will always always always want you as my own son and that includes ALL OF YOU, EVERYTHING! You don't need to protect me, you don't need to hide... because if there is one thing in this universe I will fucking fight for, it's you. I don't care about anything else but you.
I
WANT
YOU
Because I can't lose you J... because
God... I'm going to fucking make myself cry... haahaaaha... too late... 

Because I love you. In a way I never understood until you... in a way you might not understand until you have kids of your own. I fucking love you and AAGGHHGHAAHHHHHHHHH 

*throws phone* 😭😭😭 

Because I love you.... 

Libra is so very ✨accurate✨

356 may 18

I miss my creepy hellion son... and my sappy kiddo, and all of you... I miss you so damn much. 20 weeks until your birthday. Already have gifts :D 

Love you to the moon and back dear heart
💙🫂💙

I keep saving the absolute dumbest shit for you 😭😭😭
Case in point:

For space Sunday
Mars peeking out from around the moon!

355

I love you for who you are. You are one of a kind, irreplaceable... so special to me, and I am so grateful and proud to be your mom. You are my son, and I love you now and for forever 💙

Lol.... the house just got rattled by an F35 flyby. I could have waved to the pilot. We'll see if they follow same flight path tomorrow and I'm try to film it!