Ch 110: And There Is Darkness In The Light

"Will you take me as I am,
Changed and broken.
Will you love me as I am,
Heart in the open.
Will you hold on to hope..."

"Because I love you, and I don't want to lose you, because I'm selfish, because I want it to be me, because I want you to show up at my door one day, because I want to give you a hug IRL, because I never wanted kids and can't have kids, but somehow ended up with one I love dearly anyway and I never want to let that go"

I know it's me... I always knew... but I'm a bit of a dumbass. And honestly, I don't want you to just show up randomly anymore. I mean.. I DO... but I want you here as soon as possible (I'd take you now, if I could), and like, I will come get you. I keep having the same dream... of the drive back. Flashes of the same moments, over and over. Sometimes I'm not even sleeping when they come to me. They feel like truth though, and shine like stars. But if you want to show up randomly before then, please do. Lol

You said you wanted every waking moment, you can have them, I want you to have them. I will give you every moment I have. You already have me forever... my whole heart, for my whole life. I love you kiddo. We're allowed to be selfish in that regard.

I know you are probably in Greece still and thus not reading these daily... I don't know when you will be back... but, if you can, try not to be gone too long.... please....
*whispers* you know my heart and mind... I'm afraid of the dark... and you know I worry about you too...