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I want to give you everything... there is no person more deserving of that than you. I want you to have a home where you feel safe and loved and understood, and there is no screaming, no fear, no abuse. I want to give you peace, and understanding, hope, happiness, and love, all of the support you need. I want to see you graduate HS, I want to send you to college, and be there cheering for you when you graduate. I don't want a life without you in it. I want you to feel hopeful for your future, I want you to be free and comfortable enough to be your wonderful sassy self. I want to go do all the things with you, even the things you never got to do because you were told they were childish... I especially want to do those things. I want you to have all the love you were denied growing up. You deserve all of that and more, and I want you to believe that deep down. I want you to feel worthy of it all because the honest truth is that YOU ARE. 

So to Jakob, my jakedaw, I will always love all of you with all that I am, and I will always be here for you. I will never give up on you. You are my son, my light, my soul... and always will be. 

Momma 💙🫂💙 

Last night I dreamed I was stuck in this giant decrepit rusty warehouse type building filled with rusted out cars and huge piles of twisted metal trash and was being chased by zombies. 😭😭😭