I'm never giving up on you.  I will always fight for you, always put you first, and always give you all that I can.  I love you more than life, unconditionally, I always will... and I also worry about you. It's been a long time.  I wish you could check in like, every couple of weeks or so.  I love you dear heart, you're my son, my world, my life.  Nothing can change that.  I've meant every word of it, and I mean to keep every promise I've made to you.

Did I ever tell you I wanted to be an interior decorator at one point?  Never actually happened, I'd probably be mediocre at best.  You seem to have triggered whatever was left of that though.  This is either going to be amazing, or a total disaster, but I think you'll love it either way.  No sneak peaks though.....

Ok small one:

Ps:  I have found the hot sauce for you.  😈

PPS:  one more week!  Prepare to be buried in an avalanche of love, hugs, and gifts. There's still time too... if you wanted me to visit...  I'd do it.

Love you kiddo. 💙

💙🫂💙

Sorry lovebug, I just don't have many words of my own tonight.  😔

I love you though, fiercely, infinitely...

 

Whose heart is whole?

Whose life has not been wronged?
The composer
sitting alone in the locked ward, 

playing the shadows

like a piano -
Life is like that: madness
Be the one in this world of furious burning
Who hears your life's great chaos
as a song. 

 - Joseph Fasano

My brain is just too much of a κόκορας.... I need you to be ok, and remember that I love you, and there is always hope, and I think you need to hear this: that you deserve so much love and hugs and peace and healing and happiness. Trust me, and know I'd never lie to you, especially about that.  You will make it here, and I will happily spend the rest of my life making up for all she never gave you, and all that you need and deserve.

Love you kiddo, always and forever.

Every day I wake up thinking of you. You are the last thing I think of as I fall asleep, and you fill every moment in between. I still fall asleep with my phone in my hand...  I miss my alarm clock.  I love my alarm clock, I love him very much. 💙

Gods I miss you.  I don't know that anyone other than you understands just how much.

Hold on, hold on to hope, and remember that I love you always, and you are not alone. 

*holds you tightly*

💙🫂💙

There are so many people cheerleading for us.

I had a dream...  He was a bit younger, middle school? So like 13 maybe.  I asked if I needed to sign anything and he said no, but that he got me a present and he pulls out this bag and dumps the contents out and it's just, there's a book. I don't remember what the book was, but there were stickers and like notepads and just all this stuff that had  "I love you, momma" on it,  and he gave me a hug and just kind of like leaned into me and I held him for a while and then I kissed him on the top of his head, called him a dork and started to tickle him and he was giggling, then I hugged him tight and told him I loved him. And then I woke up, and it was so vivid and I just wanted to fall back asleep and go back there into that moment and stay there forever.

It is two weeks till your birthday!!!  But I will always celebrate you, every single day, just as you are... because you are worth celebrating (shush, yes you absolutely are).  You're my hellion, my absolutely ✨magnificent✨ dumbass....  my joy, my pride, my hero... my son, and I love you, and that will never end.

I promise that will never end.

Watched some horror movies alone in the dark last night.  The Ritual- good movie, very tense, eldritch horror, highly enjoyed.  Last Voyage of the Demeter-Dracula on a boat....  had potential, but ultimately ended up bored.  Out of Darkness-Stone age horror?  Not really scary at all, music and sound design excellent though.  Just ended up being sad in the end.  Need more movies of existential dread.

I've got an over abundance of fruit here.  3 watermelons, 2 cantaloupes, and a bag of funky grapes!  Not to mention all the veg.  It's ratatouille, poblano chowder, stuffed peppers, and salsa season.

What else....  oh, managed to cover myself with gold paint cause the lid was stuck on and it exploded when it finally came off 👍🏻

Fridge tax:

Love you kiddo 💙🫂💙

The love you have for your chosen family is not a weakness...  that love is what makes you strong.  She doesn't get to ruin your that...

Love you mi̱ko...

Guess I wanted to match?  I've grown a white streak in my bangs.

Also, saw a porcupine today and they are so insanely adorable 😭😭😭. I remembered I need to get you a troll and take you to troll bridge so we can sacrifice to the troll gods... we can sacrifice Blonky?  Ooooo...  Bular...  I'm doing this...  *heads to Ebay*