Ch 18: Hero With A Billion Faces

I sit alone

And color your memory

With all the stars

I see in the sky

I lie awake at night and I think of you, always you, and I wonder if you are ok, I wonder what you've been doing, I wonder if you are ok, I wonder if you can still feel me...  and I want to take you away from everything and keep you safe.

I'm trying to be strong enough for both of us, I'm trying to hold up the world for us, to be your hope, your strength... and it's hard, blind in this quiet abyss... the hardest thing I've ever done... but I'm a fighter, and there was never any doubt, no questioning it, because you are my son, you will always be my son, I will always do everything I can for you, and I will always give you everything I have, because you deserve nothing less than that.  You are so worth this, no matter how hard it gets, you are worth this.

Yeah we can't chat right now, so what... we transcend that.. let me know you're ok when you can. Fuck, write more poetry, write a book of it, cause you're that damn good at it.  Then at the end of/after 2025... you'll have me for real.  It's not wishful thinking, mi̱ko, my beautiful brilliant  boy... I swear that, on my life.

Remember, Dear Heart, that love... love is the most powerful force in the universe, there is no such thing as too much love,  there is always hope, and that I'm proud of you and will always, always, always love you more than life.

Είσαι στην καρδιά μου

💙 Momma

Ps: ha, found something I know you'll love,  so like.... happy eventual birthday/merry Christmas?

Ch 17: Between My Head And My Heart

You were always my greatest weakness, even if you didn't want to accept it.  Losing you was always my greatest fear.  But at the same time, you are my greatest strength.  You make me a better person, you've taught me so much about love and family, you've helped heal so much trauma.  No one else will ever hold the place in my heart that you do.  There will never be anyone else I love as much as I love you.

Giving up on you or leaving you was never an option.

Ch 16: I Am Lost In A Rainbow

*whispers* I love you

But I need Jake to tell you
That I love you, it never ends
And I bled everyday now
For a year, for a year

I did send you a note
On the wind, for you to read
Our names there together
Must've fallen like the seed

To the depths of the soil
Buried deep in the ground
On the wind, I can hear you
Call my name, held the sound

Ch 15: And If You Need More, Just Hold Out Your Hands, 'Cause It's All Yours

I never had any purpose in life, my heart and soul were empty, I was just there, existing with no reason for it.  I've found my purpose now though, what I was meant to be.  Everything in my life has led me here, to you.  Call it fate or whatever, but I know deep down in the heart of me, that I was always meant to be your momma. I will spend my life loving you, and it will be the best thing I've ever done.

You haven't lost everything though.  You still have me, you will always have me.  I know how hard this is, but I know, deep down, you are stronger.  So hold on, stay safe, keep yourself, and remember this is temporary, and I love you.

Please don't let go

Ch 14: Carry Me Close

I wish I could show you how much I care for you, how much you mean to me, how much I love you. Above all I wish I could show you how you've changed my life and how you make me a better person.

Passport renewed, International plan added to phone, ring doorbell acquired!

The torturous stars

Are taking every breath I wish I held

The love in my heart

It's never ending

Where do we go when we walk on light?

Who do we call at the edge of night?

Carry me close, like the tear drops in your eyes...

Ch 13: And I Hold The Ocean

I hold the ocean in my hands, wild and raging, the tsunami that is you.  I will not let you slip through my fingers.

I hold the ocean in my head, dark and endless blue, these depths that are you. I know you as I know my own soul.

I hold the ocean in my heart, bright and crashing waves, these waters that are you. I  carry you there softly and with love.

I hold the ocean in my soul, both storm and glassy calm, this ocean that is you; water of my water, blood of my blood, bone of my bone.

I hold the ocean with all of me, encompassing all that is you. My brilliant and beautiful son. I love all of you and give to you all that I am and will ever be. I hold you and it feels like home.

Ch 12:

Who you are at your core?  You're caring, and protective, and kind.  You're my son, nothing can change that, and I'm fucking proud of you, always have been.  And I love you, and I won't let you fall.  *holds you tightly*  I've got you, I will always have you, and I'm never letting go.

Last call, all in bloom
And your broken hands, they dress me in blue
Morning Star over the Dew
When it all breaks down I'm reaching out for you

Actually continuing a thought from earlier.... if someone answers the door that's not me, and doesn't let you in.... you call/message me repeatedly until I answer.

Ch 11: My Life Is A Song For You

You know.... the things you experience, and that you go through... it's all part of you. You wouldn't be who you are without it. And I want to make sure you know that I love all that you are, and everything that comes with that... no fear, no regrets. Yeah life sucks right now. but life can go fuck itself because I refuse to let you go.  I love you too much to ever let you go.  You will always be my son.  💙

For teens in abusive or troubled homes, 18 is considered the age of majority making you a legal adult. When you turn 18, it is your legal right as an adult to pack your bags and leave and no one can stop you. This applies in most states in the USA, and most European countries (including the UK).

When I said you come when you are an adult and she cannot stop you?  This is what I meant.  You are a legal adult at 18. So When you hit 18 mi̱ko, you get out and you contact me ok? She cannot stop you. Damnit, I will come get you, your momma will come get you.  I promise you, I will not abandon you.

Ch 10: And Your Broken Hands, They Dress Me In Blue

You wonʼt lose my love, not ever.  I will love you always my little jakedaw, beyond the end of time.... nothing will change that ever.

Oh I'm like, super proud of this, and even more proud of you.  Place of fucking honor right there.

Ch 9: And all the Stars Collapsed Behind the Pitch Black Night

I'm not sure why, but I feel the need to do this.  To say I'm sorry for all the times I've messed up, all the times I unintentionally hurt you, all the times I said the wrong thing, all the times I wasn't there.  I'm sorry for the times I couldn't help you, all the times you had to deal with things alone, all the times I broke down, all the times I couldn't speak fast enough or find the right words.  I'm sorry that I can't be there for you now, and for whatever it is you are going through.

Θα σ'αγαπώ για πάντα, γιε μου, καρδιά μου αγαπημένη

Ch 8: I found you without looking, and I love you without trying

OMG kiddo, I wish you were here.  We just spent an hour outside watching auroras, and the entire time, all I could think about was how much you would love seeing this.  I don't think there will come a time where I'm not thinking of you. Of all the good that has ever happened in my life, you are the greatest.  You are my heart, my light, my inspiration, and I will cherish you always, and love you forever.

Never be afraid of losing me dear heart, I'm not going anywhere and I'm never letting go.

Ch 7:

I've unknowingly waited my whole life for you. I think the universe conspired to put us in each other's paths. You are my heart, and you are loved even when your mind tells you you’re not. l've got you, I will always, always, always do whatever I can to help carry you. And don't forget that you have survived every onslaught of darkness and fought through hell to get here, and you will make it the rest of the way. I see everything you are, and embrace it all with joy in my heart. I am so very proud of you and I love you so very much.

Hug me tight when you see me Mi̱ko, and I will hug you with the strength of a goddess in return, and ruffle your hair so it's extra fluffy.

heh....  I might have bought a pin that says I love my bisexual son.  Imma put it on my purse next to Excalibur.  I also found an enamel pin that is a phoenix rising in the bi flag colors.  That one is yours..... and this one...  hahahahaaa

I love you, and all your crushes. Still adorable.

For my son, chaotic king of the bisexuals. 

 

Ch 6: To Persevere

I will love you always, beyond the end of time... nothing will ever change that.  Gods I would give anything to talk to you though.

You asked me once, "What if things go wrong?" And my answer still stands.  We persevere.  We fix it or find a way around, but if we can't then we hold on, to hope, to each other, to this incredible and beautiful thing we have.  It won't be easy, it never is.  We might come out of this a little damaged, a bit hurt, but we will hold each other in our hearts, and then IRL, and together we will heal.  Remember that there is always hope, always a way through, even when it seems like there isn't, and you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.  I promise you though, you will make it here, and this will all be worth it in the end.

Ch 5: Shine a Light

You're not a failure and you're not a fool and you are loved, so very much... and you are enough, just as you are...  And I will make sure you know that, every damn day.

Shine a Light - Bryan Kearney, Bo Bruce (Spotify)

I need to know if you are there, if you are there
I'm coming home and through the light, I hear your name

Out on the edge and the lights are fading
Sky full of stars though your heart is breaking
Shine out a light
Shine a light and wait for me
Eyes on the road and the skyline's fading
Out on the woods and the dawn is breaking
Shine out a light
Shine a light and wait for me

What if you close your eyes and don't fear falling?
Darling, you sail my way and what if you fly
We could be fireflies on the horizon
Cause I'm gonna be there, you'll never be alone

Cause I'm gonna be there, you'll never be alone

What if you close your eyes and don't fear falling?
Darling, you sail my way and what if you fly
We could be fireflies on the horizon
'Cause I'm gonna be there, you'll never be alone

Beyond the dark
One thousand stars
Hold on to me

Ok that's a bit more EDM than I like... but it still stands. *tight hugs*
💙🫂💙🫂

Ch 4: Soft Jim and a Poem

And I love you...

And a poem in reply 

Ch 3:

You make my heart feel warm and fuzzy, you make me feel so full of love that I never knew I could have, you make me laugh, you make me want to be the best person and mom I can be, you make me so fucking proud.