I wanted you to have what it felt like to be safe, to not be scared of being torn down for being you, or screamed at for something like accidentally dropping a bowl... to be hugged instead of hit. To live without control and manipulation. I wanted you to have support, I wanted you to have peace, and rest. You deserved to have that and more. You deserved to be loved and to be cherished and cared for. You mattered, so much... more than I ever got to tell you.
You are the best thing I ever did Jakob, the best and brightest part of my life and the biggest part of my heart. I gave you all of me, or tried to anyway. You are my whole world, I love you more than life... and I don't know how to keep going now. It was never just a dream... my heart will look for you until it finds you again, my son... no matter how long it takes or how much it hurts... and I will always be waiting here for you.
I love you my little jakedaw, I always and forever will.
Shared with permission of Liz Newman
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