*hugs you tight as possible and doesn't let go*

I Love you mi̱ko, more than anything in this world. I will always love you, and I'll never stop.  I'll always be there with you, in your heart.

Throwback Thursday to when we went as zombies to a barn Halloween party and all the children there were scared of John because he refused to smile. 

 

(Very unprofessional makeup by me using random shit we already had.... white and charcoal eye shadow, and pretty sure the fake blood is just lip gloss lol) 

Watched Alien: Romulus.... just gonna sleep with all the lights on forever now.

I love you dear heart.  You're strong, here in your heart.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.    Don't let anyone take that from you. 💙

 

One of the other beaches I wanted to take you too!! This one is a short hike down from a lighthouse. The sound is literally amazing. It's probably the most relaxing noise ever. Plus there are awesome tide pools at low tide, a ton of sea lions, sometimes otters, and a lot of times there are whales feeding just out past the rocks. 

Love you J

Hey mi̱ko, Noticed vixen's halloween fic was locked so I snagged it in pdf for you and plopped it in dbox. I'll update it on Mondays. Love you kiddo
*hugs* 

 

Did you know there's a shipwreck on the beach in Astoria? I'll add it to the list. Astoria is also where Goonies was filmed... but I'm pretty sure you haven't seen it, it's old, like 1985 old lol. I'll add Goonies to the movie list!

If you're curious, the ship is the Peter Iredale.

I had a dream... that when I woke up you were finally here...

I'd always felt like I, my life, my soul, had a part that was supposed to be there but was missing.... until I found you and you slotted into place like you'd always been there. You became such a part of me... always meant to be there
Always meant to be
Always 

My son 

I love you

I will always be your home

I'm sorry 😭😭😭

Love you bunches and bunches and bunches lovebug

Forgot to say...  I uhhhh....  I tried to see if I could get Tiny Tim to do a short video wishing you happy birthday, but his manager never replied 😭😭😭

Pppssssttttt. Hey kiddo, I have questions.

I have a vision kind of, for Christmas.  You said armor...  like, specifically the trollhunters armor?  Or just in general?  And for Si, I want to make sure to be respectful, religiously... hair covered or?  If you think of any other details, or any other gifts you would like, lemme know.  Already got some things 😌 Usually I just know this stuff, pick it out from things you've talked about. 😭

Which brings me to a request.  Two months is....  too long, honestly. 😔  I hate this feeling of disconnect, and don't you dare feel guilty or apologize.  No, stop it. *extra extra extra times 3 tight hugs*  I love you dear heart, we're ok. I know I keep asking this, and I'm sorry... just...  could you keep me updated?  In the loop?  About you, how you're feeling, things going on in your life...  ? Dreams, celebrity crushes, new things you like, theater? New friends? Funny shit, just say hi.. Anything.

Please...  ok I'll shut up about it now, I know I'm being annoying... I'm sorry

You are my whole world, and I love you, my brilliant shining son, endlessly.   Love you more than my heart can contain.  Love you more than all the love ever felt by anyone in this universe combined. *♾️ tight hugs*

Momma

💙

PS:  sorry, not sorry, for tomorrow's post 😅

I could lose anything, but I couldn’t ever bear losing you. And you will never lose me either.  As long as I exist, you will always be loved.

Sorry about yesterday's post....  bad dreams.  Not feeling great here, so if I miss a day that's why.

Hold on, stay true to yourself, escape. Get here, I will do everything in my power to help you heal.

On Architecture And Life

I hope you had an amazing birthday and lots of fun at your party!!!  I also hope someone took pics and saved them for me to see one day lol.  Getting to talk to you makes my heart warm, and full.  Thank you for that, and just, for being your fabulous self. We should talk more often lovebug.  I miss it... a lot.  I miss you, and being more a part of your life.  I have so much I want to give you.  AND..  I love hearing you excited.  I really do want to see your drawings. I know you're amazing at it.  You got the artistic talent from me 😌

I really was serious.... happy extra birthday? Super early Christmas? 

 

This one is fun because it gives you ideas/examples, and then a space for sketching. 

I know this is one of your loves. I'm not trying to force that career path though. It's for you to play around and have fun with on your own, study if you want, but let loose, see how you like it from a more academic perspective. If it makes you more excited and sure of that choice then awesome. If you find you hate it, still awesome! I'm excited and proud either way. I just want to give you the support of your passions and help you find the path you want to go down. It's not something I had, and since I was left to try and figure it out on my own, I basically washed out of everything. I won't continue that cycle with you.

I know you made a promise to them to "get your life together", and the consequences of... but that was forced from a place of control, manipulation, and abuse. Coerced promises shouldn't need to be honored. That should never have been done to you. And I'm undoing it. I'm not going to make you pledge the same. I want you to find a career you love, I want you to thrive in life, have that happiness and sense of fulfillment and pride in yourself and have fun, have your friends, have a social presence... that is coming from a place of love, and support. That's not going to bloom from a place of dictation and control. That's a battle that is extremely hard to win. It's one you don't have to fight. I don't want you to have to fight for that. 

So I'm making a promise to you, which is the way it SHOULD be, to help and support you with love, and if it turns out Architecture is it, or you go through 15 different options before deciding you want to open a pet store or something, I will be passionate, and supportive about each and every one. And I will help, yes, but in a way where you also build self confidence, self reliance, and independence. But even then, after everything, and you go on to build your life, even then, you'll still have my support. Self reliance doesn't mean you're on your own and I walk away. Mom for life. I love you kiddo. 

 Momma 💙

Happy Happy Birthday Kiddo! 💙

Happy birthday!!!!!!!

Happy happy birthday to the most amazing and wonderful son a mother could ask for. I love you Jakob, love you more than life, love you so much the universe could never hope to contain it, love you infinitely, forever and always.

I know it's just a sketch, I was uhm... too emotional to do more... but to make up for it, you get an original Honey art

And one from a friend

There is a very very special art in dbox. I wasn't sure if it was something you'd want posted here. I hope you love it as much as I do.

And.... ok so I go overboard on gift giving. I can't help it 😭 This and some other things, will be waiting here for you.

And last, but not least... I wish I could embed video instead of just a link... but this one is extra special to me. Hopefully youtube doesn't block it because music, but it will be in the dbox, along with everything else. I'll put the individual images in there too.

Love is- an illustrated poem

And we can't forget that I said I would sing happy birthday and then die of embarrassment... well. LMAO... enjoy haha. You can stop it after the balloons start, they're just there to stop it from becoming a youtube short. Yes it's in dbox as well.

Happy Birthday!!! (Or... your momma is embarrassing...)

Happy birthday dear heart 💙

We remain. You will always be my son, I will always be your momma. We remain. You are loved and cherished, you are an irreplaceable and precious part of my life. We remain. This is not an impossible dream, it's not out of reach, it's not a stupid wish. We remain. You are wanted, you are enough, you deserve to have unconditional love, so much, you deserve to heal. We remain. I told you that you would never lose me, and you aren't. We remain. We will get you here, you will get all those hugs, we will do our bucket list and binge Merlin, and visit the ocean, and I'm still going to adopt you if you'll have me. We remain. You will get everything she never gave and then some, I promise you that. This is not all that remains, WE remain, we are both still here, you and me. We remain, and I love you, my little jakedaw, always have and always will. 💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂

and there is this from July, it's in dbox too but not sure you ever got to listen since you were in Greece

Love you, child o'mine, love you endlessly.

Miss you.  I wish I could just give you a long hug right now.  I need it just as much.  I wish I could talk to you, I miss the sappiness, the sass, just... everything.  Hold on for me dear heart, I've got you and I promise I won't let go.

Floof is prepared...

 

I'm your dumbass, but I'll be your nobody too 💙

For You And I The Song Plays On And On

"When you're able to tell someone your pain, past, and trauma, and they actually love and accept the real you, without trying to change you. When you can stand in front of them and their response is, "You're Safe With Me", and they mean it, deep in the heart of them. That is something truly special, never let that go."

I love you mi̱ko.. Jakob... Jim.  I love you, and you are safe with me.

And When I'm Missing You To Death, This Will Guide You Home

They will see us waving from such great heights

Come down now, they'll say

But everything looks perfect from far away

Come down now, but we'll stay

TIL how to remove and install a cone baffle for recessed lighting, plus replaced an air vent register, put some furniture together,  replaced curtains, and hung some pictures.

💪🏼  (oh and folded sheets but that's less fun. I can totally teach you how to fold fitted sheets though... but school of "shove them in a drawer unfolded" is also acceptable).

My memory is absolute shit, but I remember every role play bit, every conversation, every laugh, every cry, every I love you momma, every terrifying moment I thought I'd lost you, everything you said you love, every hope and dream you said you have.  Everything that was said.  All of it, with perfect clarity.  That's how special it is and how much you mean to me.

Beyond The Limit Of A Mind, Limit Of A Heart, Limit Of A Body....

Hey lovebug,

I have heard you are back to training!  Are you doing a specific production?  I would give anything to see.  I'm so unbelievably happy you were able to pick back up, I know just how much it meant to you.  Love you kiddo, and proud of you.

momma

PS:don't train too hard, remember to eat and drink and get enough sleep.  *mom mode off*

I love you mi̱ko, with all that I am

I miss you terribly

Sending all the love and hugs I can

💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙🫂💙🫂

You mean more than anything in the world to me.  I love you, and I'm so fucking proud of you.  *infinite hugs*

💙

Momma

found these while scrolling through messages last night. They make my heart feel warm 😌 

Saw a post that claimed people need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth... *does calculations*

I'm gonna owe you a lot of hugs....

I'll make sure you get every last one.

Love you J

*hugs*

💙🫂💙

Sacrificial Bular acquired 

Come here mi̱ko

*extra long soft mom hugs*

I love you.

I know life has been down, but life can go fuck itself. I refuse to let you go...  I love you too much to ever let you go. I'll rule 3 life.  I don't know martial arts, but I'll roundhouse kick life and you can laugh at me because it will be hilariously sad because I'm old and disabled, but I don't care...  I'll still do it, for you.

I have drawn this masterpiece for you.  IDK why life looks vaguely like Steve, but I look like the total badass that I am.  Yes, your momma is a badass, where do you think you got it from?  My hellion child.  You're my chaotic feral kiddo, I am Chaos.  But I'm also Calm, and Safety, and Love, and Healing, and Peace. You know this.  I'll take down evil gods for you, and give you warm mom hugs and a kiss on the forehead after, and watch over you so you sleep sound.  You want to be angry and rage?  I'll make space for you to get it all out.  I've got you, I will always help see you through things.

Fucking mom power right there...  and it's all for you, cause I'd do anything for you.  Love you more than life.

I'm never giving up on you.  I will always fight for you, always put you first, and always give you all that I can.  I love you more than life, unconditionally, I always will... and I also worry about you. It's been a long time.  I wish you could check in like, every couple of weeks or so.  I love you dear heart, you're my son, my world, my life.  Nothing can change that.  I've meant every word of it, and I mean to keep every promise I've made to you.

Did I ever tell you I wanted to be an interior decorator at one point?  Never actually happened, I'd probably be mediocre at best.  You seem to have triggered whatever was left of that though.  This is either going to be amazing, or a total disaster, but I think you'll love it either way.  No sneak peaks though.....

Ok small one:

Ps:  I have found the hot sauce for you.  😈

PPS:  one more week!  Prepare to be buried in an avalanche of love, hugs, and gifts. There's still time too... if you wanted me to visit...  I'd do it.

Love you kiddo. 💙

💙🫂💙

Sorry lovebug, I just don't have many words of my own tonight.  😔

I love you though, fiercely, infinitely...

 

Whose heart is whole?

Whose life has not been wronged?
The composer
sitting alone in the locked ward, 

playing the shadows

like a piano -
Life is like that: madness
Be the one in this world of furious burning
Who hears your life's great chaos
as a song. 

 - Joseph Fasano

My brain is just too much of a κόκορας.... I need you to be ok, and remember that I love you, and there is always hope, and I think you need to hear this: that you deserve so much love and hugs and peace and healing and happiness. Trust me, and know I'd never lie to you, especially about that.  You will make it here, and I will happily spend the rest of my life making up for all she never gave you, and all that you need and deserve.

Love you kiddo, always and forever.

Every day I wake up thinking of you. You are the last thing I think of as I fall asleep, and you fill every moment in between. I still fall asleep with my phone in my hand...  I miss my alarm clock.  I love my alarm clock, I love him very much. 💙

Gods I miss you.  I don't know that anyone other than you understands just how much.

Hold on, hold on to hope, and remember that I love you always, and you are not alone. 

*holds you tightly*

💙🫂💙

There are so many people cheerleading for us.

I had a dream...  He was a bit younger, middle school? So like 13 maybe.  I asked if I needed to sign anything and he said no, but that he got me a present and he pulls out this bag and dumps the contents out and it's just, there's a book. I don't remember what the book was, but there were stickers and like notepads and just all this stuff that had  "I love you, momma" on it,  and he gave me a hug and just kind of like leaned into me and I held him for a while and then I kissed him on the top of his head, called him a dork and started to tickle him and he was giggling, then I hugged him tight and told him I loved him. And then I woke up, and it was so vivid and I just wanted to fall back asleep and go back there into that moment and stay there forever.

It is two weeks till your birthday!!!  But I will always celebrate you, every single day, just as you are... because you are worth celebrating (shush, yes you absolutely are).  You're my hellion, my absolutely ✨magnificent✨ dumbass....  my joy, my pride, my hero... my son, and I love you, and that will never end.

I promise that will never end.

Watched some horror movies alone in the dark last night.  The Ritual- good movie, very tense, eldritch horror, highly enjoyed.  Last Voyage of the Demeter-Dracula on a boat....  had potential, but ultimately ended up bored.  Out of Darkness-Stone age horror?  Not really scary at all, music and sound design excellent though.  Just ended up being sad in the end.  Need more movies of existential dread.

I've got an over abundance of fruit here.  3 watermelons, 2 cantaloupes, and a bag of funky grapes!  Not to mention all the veg.  It's ratatouille, poblano chowder, stuffed peppers, and salsa season.

What else....  oh, managed to cover myself with gold paint cause the lid was stuck on and it exploded when it finally came off 👍🏻

Fridge tax:

Love you kiddo 💙🫂💙

The love you have for your chosen family is not a weakness...  that love is what makes you strong.  She doesn't get to ruin your that...

Love you mi̱ko...

Guess I wanted to match?  I've grown a white streak in my bangs.

Also, saw a porcupine today and they are so insanely adorable 😭😭😭. I remembered I need to get you a troll and take you to troll bridge so we can sacrifice to the troll gods... we can sacrifice Blonky?  Ooooo...  Bular...  I'm doing this...  *heads to Ebay*

I believe in you kiddo, I always have, and I've always been so proud of you.  These things will never change.  I love you Jakob, and I miss you.  I miss you so much.  You are always in my thoughts and in my heart, and yes...  I worry ok, I'm sorry... I can't help it.

Sending you all my love and lots of hugs.

💙🫂💙

I have so many birthday gifts to give you.  One is extra special, and very close to my heart.💙

You always told me to say what's in my heart... so that's what I do, what I've always done.  You deserve nothing less.  So, I love you J, to the moon and back.  I always will.  You will always be my son, and you will always be in my head and in my heart.  The world you fell in love with will always be yours.  I will always be yours, I will always want you here, I will always give you all that I am, and I will always be so proud of you.  Hold on to that.

I wish I could hug you

I wish I knew you were ok

I wish  I could be better...

you deserve better

Love you, infinitely 

Momma 💙

*hugs*

Love you mi̱ko

Love you more than life

Always have, always will...

I will always stand by you, and be here to hold your hand when you need it most.  I will love you, day after day, through thick and thin.  I will show up, not just for the easy moments but for the hard ones too. I will hold space for your growth, your mistakes, your triumphs, and your tears.  I will celebrate your victories, and comfort you in your moments of despair. I will be there with you at your best and your worst and believe in you always, and I will love you unconditionally through it all.

Hey kiddo,

How are you doing?  Did you make it back to the states?  I'm sending you love and hugs....

💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙💙

We're being flooded with pumpkin spice everything.  John got me a pumpkin pie drink but it tasted like wood and chemicals, don't recommend 😭😭😭.

Love you infinitely and for always

Editing to add....  I'm addicted to these dark chocolate wafer cookies now...  thankfully they don't come in pumpkin spice flavor 😭😂

Ps:  we have a mini-moon for 2 months!  That asteroid got snagged up in Earth's gravity I guess and will do one orbit and then slingshot back out into space.  IDK why I'm telling you this.  I guess because you like space.  *hugs*

Wherever you are, whatever is happening, if you need me... say the word, and I'll be there...  I'd go to the ends of the earth and beyond for you.

We chose each other, mother and son. My love isn't any less because of that.  I'm still here, I still want this, I'm not going anywhere. You are my son! You are worthy of this. You are my son.... and I love you.

I've said this before, but I wish I knew everything you're going through and feeling so I could find the right words to say to help you feel seen, safe, and supported. I would hold you and keep you safe forever, give you my strength whenever you need it. I will always be here for you, I will always give you all of me, and I love you, very much. That will never end.

We will get to the end of this though, and I will give you the biggest hug possible, and so much love you won't know what to do with yourself.

"There never is 'moving on'. It just doesn’t even make sense as a phrase. You never move on from your children."

You won't lose me, you will never lose me.  We will get you here dear heart.  I promise.

Gods...  I can't wait for your birthday,  I'm so excited for you to see everything.

added to new in Dbox.  Mostly random things... screenshots, musings, poems, posts.  Moved the audio there...  Idk if you'd listened to it yet. It's important to me though.  Will put birthday gifts in there when time comes!  Love you kiddo. *hugs*

Love you mi̱ko

Don't let me go...

please 😔

*hugs*

Got stuck at the highschool crosswalk as a soccer practice got out, watched some of the kids and their parents cross.  Looked like a happy loving family.... and their son, lanky with a head of curly black hair.  NGL, made my heart lurch.  And THEN, cause my damn phone is psychic, our song came on...  and I had to drive home trying not to cry, and failing miserably. Lol

... love you J, sooo so so very much

Sending you all the love and hugs and strength and peace that I can. Love you dear heart.

💙🫂💙

PS:  Stood out in the rain, for you... and you're right, it's soothing.  Gods, just, I hope you're ok, and come back to me soon; I miss you and love you, always.

PPS:  I found out there is a passenger train that runs between LA and here.  It's Amtrak so it's not like, cool as a steam train?  And it's slow... but still.  The station here is an historic landmark and was built in 1890.  So that's kind of cool.  I didn't look, but maybe it's close to the railway museum.

 

And no one deserves to heal more than you do, and I know I'm not perfect, but I promise you I will be that safe space for you.

Even If The World Don't Understand You, I Do

Hey kiddo...  are you out there?  Are you ok?

You are worthy, you were ALWAYS worthy, you were always deserving.  You're my son, and you  deserve to have this.  Love you J, endlessly.

*gives tightest hug possible and doesn't let go*

I can promise you, my mind and love will never change in this. You know how stubborn I can be. And I'll never abandon you, or give up on you , or turn on you, or scream at you, or demean you. And I could never be mad at you.... drill that one into you head next to the I love you. I know there were times you hung back... kept distant... because you thought I'd be upset, but I'm here to tell you... I won't, I will never be upset. So put fear and worry aside and trust that you are always safe with me and can always come to me with anything.

As The Summer Leaves To The Winter Breeze, I'm Not Leaving You

I'll love you for forever, and be proud of you always.  I'll fight through any darkness, face any storm, climb any mountain for you.

I hope we get to talk for a bit soon, or even just a message or two.  It makes my heart so warm and light, my brain go quiet, and pushes the dark away.  I miss you terribly, my little jakedaw, and I hope you are ok.  You are my light, you are all the magic in my world.  You'll never lose me, and I don't want to ever lose you.  I love you mi̱ko.  💙🫂💙

New Art of Dreamworks book just dropped. Has previously never released Jim & Claire 

To quote my most favorite person in the world.... *tidal waves of hugs*
💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂💙💙💙💙🫂

Am I spamming you with loves and hugs? YES. Do I regret it or will come to regret it? NEVER.

Ily ily ily ily and this might be excessive but ILY KIDDO

A promise to you.

My love is not conditional.  It will never have to be earned. It will always be yours.

*revives you* Uhmmmmm, I just saw that LA area is on fire and a lot of places were being evacuated. Are you ok? Please let me know if you're ok dear heart...

Time Doesn't Move When I'm With You, And I Wouldn't Even Want It To

 I'd go through every storm that ever blew my way, just because I know you'll be there on the other side, just to have the chance to love you and care for you.

In every universe, I'd choose you.

I need the vid in dropbox (it's on youtube too) to be heard 😭😭😭 I sound weird and dumb..  I'm such a dumbass. I'm being so annoying, I'm sorry 

Stay, all I want to do is stay
Cause you are my favorite place
Through it all we will find
That I am yours and you are mine
In the fall, in the rise
I am yours and you are mine

Jakob...

Know that You are loved dearly, you are wanted... so very much, you are not, and never will be, a burden, and you are not alone. I'm with you always, in your head and in your heart. There is hope, and light and me, and so much more, at the end of this, I promise.

Θα σ'αγαπώ για πάντα, γιε μου, καρδιά μου αγαπημένη

I love you kiddo, infinitely.
Momma
💙🫂💙

So Come, Give Me Your Hand, Give Me Your Heart And I'll Carry It Everywhere

Stay, all I want to do is stay
Cause you are my favorite place
Through it all we will find
That I am yours and you are mine
In the fall, in the rise
I am yours and you are mine

Jakob... I know you're out there somewhere...

Know that You are loved dearly, you are wanted... so much, you are not, and never will be, a burden, and you are not alone. I'm with you always, in your head and in your heart. There is hope, and light and me, and so much more, at the end of this, I promise.

Θα σ'αγαπώ για πάντα, γιε μου, καρδιά μου αγαπημένη

I love you kiddo, infinitely.
Momma
💙🫂💙

Almost 50 years of keeping an open heart despite so much...  all so I could be the person and mom you need me to be, all so I would be here to find you.  And you are my purpose... my life.. my world... my heart... from now until it's last beat.  And you deserve that, me.. you really do You are so thoroughly a part of my heart and soul, of me... my beautiful boy... I love you too much, and I need you, that will never change.  You're my son, always and forever.. and I miss you.  I love you and miss you with every fiber of my being, and with every breath I take.

Please be ok... please stay with me kiddo...  I love you, I need you to be safe and ok.  You are loved dearly, you are wanted... so much, you are not, and never will be, a burden, and you are not alone. I'm with you always, in your head and in your heart. 💙🫂💙

The price I paid to exist 

was a mother who couldn't love me. 

My karma was a son made of love and shining stars.

-j jocelyn-

 Love you mi̱ko, love you to the moon and back 

Ch 113:

Are you ok mi̱ko? Please don't sink...  I will come wander all of Greece until I find you and pull you out of the dark

I love you dear heart, that will never change.  You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Watching a new show, A Discovery of Witches.  It's decently good...  bit Twilight sometimes.  It has Vampires, witches and demons... magic waning in the world.  The one MC finds a spellbound book and now everyone is after her because they want it.  She ends up with the vampire mc despite vamps and witches being enemies.  They fall in love, there ends up being time travel.  That's as far as I've made it (S2). Editing to add that after watching two episodes last night.... she's totally a Mary Sue.... still a better love story than twilight. 😂

We watched Kaos... Jeff Goldblum as paranoid tracksuit/gold aviators Zeus is a bit iconic.

Ch 112: And Light Breaks Through The Dark

Hey kiddo, I want to let you know that if you need someone to talk to, about anything, please reach out.... even if it is something good, something you're proud of, it's what I'm here for, after all.  I'm here to support you... through anything and everything. Let me know what you need... if it's to just listen, or if you need me to be there in person, flights are dirt cheap...  Let me help carry you.  Know that I care about you, deeply.  Know that you are cherished, that you are wanted, that you are needed, that you are loved, that you are, and always will be, my son.

Sending you all the love in my heart

Momma 💙

Ch 111: I Will Hold You Through The Storms

I will always love all of you with all that I have, I will always accept everything you are  with open arms.  Don't let go...  please... because I'm not... you are everything to me.

I love you mi̱ko... I love you... I love you...  more than there are stars in every universe... and gods... I miss you....💙💙💙💙

Sorry....  everything's hitting me a bit extra hard...

I love you Jakob,  I wish you were here.. safe... please stay safe for me

Momma 💙

Pppppfffttttttt.... us

Ch 110: And There Is Darkness In The Light

"Will you take me as I am,
Changed and broken.
Will you love me as I am,
Heart in the open.
Will you hold on to hope..."

"Because I love you, and I don't want to lose you, because I'm selfish, because I want it to be me, because I want you to show up at my door one day, because I want to give you a hug IRL, because I never wanted kids and can't have kids, but somehow ended up with one I love dearly anyway and I never want to let that go"

I know it's me... I always knew... but I'm a bit of a dumbass. And honestly, I don't want you to just show up randomly anymore. I mean.. I DO... but I want you here as soon as possible (I'd take you now, if I could), and like, I will come get you. I keep having the same dream... of the drive back. Flashes of the same moments, over and over. Sometimes I'm not even sleeping when they come to me. They feel like truth though, and shine like stars. But if you want to show up randomly before then, please do. Lol

You said you wanted every waking moment, you can have them, I want you to have them. I will give you every moment I have. You already have me forever... my whole heart, for my whole life. I love you kiddo. We're allowed to be selfish in that regard.

I know you are probably in Greece still and thus not reading these daily... I don't know when you will be back... but, if you can, try not to be gone too long.... please....
*whispers* you know my heart and mind... I'm afraid of the dark... and you know I worry about you too...

Ch 109: Don't let me go....

Grey day...

Just, know I love you, and I miss you...

Always

Ch 108: Holding On To You With Everything In My Heart

Save your strength

Rest your mind

I will never leave your side

 

Hey lovebug, I hope you are doing ok out there. I'm sending all the love and hugs and strength that I can to you. Love you, love you infinitely.

💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂🫂

Ch 107: Our Names, There, Together...

I'll never give up on you, or on us, no matter what.  I will always be your momma, you'll always be my son, my dear heart, and I will always love you.

Hey kiddo.  I've realized that, while you have my # and email, I have zero way to actually contact you if I need to, like if some emergency happened.  Ao3 is nice, but it's not exactly a reliable way to reach you.  So IDK if you want to find a way to send me an email or # or something? Please.

Love you dear heart 💙🫂💙

Ch 106: Night After Night, I Close My Eyes And Think Of You

LOOOOVVVEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 💙💙💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂💙🫂🫂💙🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂🫂🫂

And I'm here, just waiting for you.... and I'll also be there, just tell me when and where.

Ch 105: I Hold It Gently, And Willingly, Loving Not Part, But All Of You

You were robbed of the selfless, unconditional love a child is supposed to receive from their parents. That is the greater love, and the bigger loss. That is the love I promise to give you for the rest of my lifetime.

💙

Ch 104: There Is The Ocean Inside You, I Reach For Its Edge

*hugs*

There was a mom who's younger kid got a concussion, and reading was giving him a headache...  so I suggested that she could read to him...  because that's what I would do...  I totally would have read to you if I could have...

I wanted to know how you are doing? if you made it to Cali, did you guess right with which city? if you started school yet, if you're getting to actually go?  Or still with the homeschool?  I had read that transferring to US schools from the UK can be a pain.  Honestly though, homeschool is probably the much safer option cause covid, but I know you'd rather go in person. Any new crushes?  How have your seizures been?  Sorry for all the questions 😔😞😔  I'm not....  you're just very important to me, and I care about you, and I miss you, and I know you know that but I'm saying it anyway...

I love you

Momma 💙

Ch 103: I Find Brilliance, And Darkness, A Soul Shining True

*infinitely tight goddess powered mom hug*

Love you mi̱ko, more than the universe could ever hope to contain, and miss you desperately.  I hope you are doing ok. 💙🫂💙

Ch 102: There The Ocean It Holds You, I Can See Its Edge

I wanted to make sure you knew that I love all that you are, and everything that comes with that.  Love you so much the universe can't contain it. 💙

All those parts of yourself that you've suppressed because of her... I'm going to encourage you to let them free, let them shine, be proud of them, because I'm proud of them, and proud of you.  They're you, and therefore wonderful and beautiful.  And I want you to be whole, and feel wholly accepted and loved.

Ch 101: Shining Waves, Dangerous Waters, All Bright Blue And Shadow

I love you even so
I love you no matter what
I'm not letting go

 

There is an invisible thread that connects us to each other, and that thread can never be cut. That is the power of love, real unconditional love. It's the most powerful force in the universe. I promise you'll never lose my love 💙🫂💙

Ch 100: There The Ocean It Takes Me, I Look For The Edge

I love you more than the universe can contain.

Do you know.... I talk about you and how special you are to me all the time, to anyone who will listen.  Full on gush mode.  About your sass and wit, about how you can make me laugh when I don't even want to smile.  About how absolutely amazing you are....  And about how unbelievably proud I am of you, and how much I love you, cherish you, and how precious to me you are, my  extraordinary son. I talk about plans we made, and the ever growing bucket list... this room I'm pouring my heart into.  I talk about how much I miss you, how I don't want to lose you... how you are everything to me, how much I love you, and how that will never end...  and it won't... mom for life...  I'm your momma for life, and I love you, endlessly.

Ch 99: It Pulls Me Closer, Fills My Heart, This Is No Drowning

*pulls you in for a tight hug, whispers into your shoulder...* love you J, so much... so godsdamn much...  I promise I won't let go

We're having what is affectionately called "false fall", it's cool and raining. That will only last a little bit though, then we'll have 2nd summer. It's really pretty here in the fall though.  

Ch 98: There The Ocean Envelopes Me, I Can't See The Edge

You, my dear, deserve to be celebrated just as you are.  I am so very proud of you... I love you kiddo 💙🫂💙

It's getting closer to your birthday! I'm literally counting down the days here.  You'll have to let me know if there was anything else you wanted.  One gift is taken care of already, plus a surprise or two... 😌😄☺️

Ohhhh..  I will absolutely record myself singing happy birthday and then passing out from embarrassment lol...

Ch 97: I Drown Gladly As I Cross This Tempestuous Distance

I love you more than life...

And I love you... with all my heart mi̱ko, and l love you with all my soul, my little jakedaw... and I love you with all I am and all I will ever be Jakob... and that will never end.

Ch 96: There The Ocean Surrounds Me, l'm Swept From The Edge

I see you, and you are worth loving.  You are worth everything.

Accurate, but love it cause I love when you ramble about things, or are focused on something you're passionate about. And you know I understand why you go quiet sometimes. I'm quiet a lot too. I love you through both though, cause it's part of who you are, and I love all of you.

 

I did leave a video... errr well it's technically just audio lol... in the dbox (under important things), but I realize if you're still in Greece you probably can't get to it.  But it's there, for whenever you get home. I woke up with a sore throat and not feeling great.  Imma have some ratatouille or soup and maybe watch a movie, then bundle up in this blanket and work on a puzzle.  Love you mi̱ko. 💙

Ch 95: l Enter It Willingly, All Bright Blue And Shadow

*wraps you in warm mom hug*
🫂🫂🫂🫂💙💙💙🫂💙🫂💙💙🫂💙

I found cookies that you might possibly like?  They aren't super sweet... but they are spicy!  I'm going to save a bunch for you.

I had a dream that I came down for your birthday.  I would totally do that, flights between here and LA are cheap.  An IRL hug  for your birthday? and a promised gift.

I wish we could chat. Just ... ok, I had a whole thing typed out but realized I'm being a dumbass and you probably don't want a bunch of questions about life right now.

So just know I love you always and I love you forever, and I need you and I miss you like I'd miss air to breathe, and I wish, I wish, I wish you were here or I was there so I could really hug you.

Fuck you time for moving so gods damned slow. I'm holding on for you though, dear heart. I'm holding on, and  never letting go.  You are my life, my world, my son, and I love you.

Ch 94: There's An Ocean Between Us, I Step Off The Edge

I'll always be here for you if you need me, for any reason at all.  I don't care what time it is, I don't care what the subject is, I just care about YOU.  You, first and foremost.  You are the most important person in my life.  And it's not because that's my 'job' as a mom... it's because I want it that way, because I genuinely care about you, because I love you dearly.  So if you need me at 3am because you had a dream, or saw something, or can't sleep... or anything... wake me up, guilt free, because I will always, always make time and space for you.  YOU. ARE. NEVER. A. BURDEN.  Never.  

I love you J, always have, always will. 💙

Momma

😭😭😭
ROFL.... found a website that roasts you based off your IG... 

 

IDK... "wielding your digital pen like Excalibur" kinda goes hard.

Ch 93: A Vast Brilliance Shining From My Heart To Yours

It rained today.  It never rains in August.  It was nice though, I've missed it. Rain makes me think of you. I mean, I pretty much think of you 24/7, but I know you'd be standing out in it, and probably me along with you.  And you know I'd have you bundled up in a blanket, dry and warm, afterwards.  Gods... I love you so fucking much.... I wish you were here..

 

"We wished upon sea foam.

The waves know our secrets, but I only asked for you."

Ch 92: There's An Ocean Inside Me, I Look Past Its Edge

I love you so damn much, missing you kiddo.

I've got you... just hold on to me, and I'll hold on to you, and I won't let go.  You're never going to lose me.

Ch 91: Feet Bare, As Dazzling Waves Tug At My Ankles

I don't care how old or how tall you get (or how pointy your elbows are)...  just go you can always curl up and fall asleep against me.

I wish I could give you real hugs right now, I have a feeling (call it mom instinct) you might really need them. I hate not being able to be there for you. But I love you kiddo, and I'm sending you the biggest mental hug ever. 🫂💙🫂

Ch 90: There's An Ocean Inside Me, I Stand At Its Edge

You do deserve me, you really really do, more than anyone. I'm already yours. I promise I'll always be here with you, and I promise I will always love you.  

Sending you ♾️ love and hugs

💙🫂💙🫂

Ch 89: Shake, Rattle, & Roll?

*attacks you with hugsssss*

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Love you 💙

SoCal has been having a bit more earthquake activity than usual the past 3 weeks.  Mostly up by Bakersfield, but LA (Pasadena) area had one on the 12th.  I read the whole, brace yourself in a doorway thing is outdated now... people say to get under a desk or table.  Now we can all think back on how weird and wrong it was for Jim's house to have a basement.

Speaking of Jim, I just started a Trollhunters rewatch, been a while.  We'll finish Ghosts tomorrow I think.  Made it through to the April Fools episode.  I love that one.  Pat is stone cold lol.  Watched some movies I'd missed out on finally.  WolfWalkers tonight (loved, omg), and Elemental and The Little Mermaid over the past weekend.  Quite liked Elemental. Watched The Flash too but that barely qualifies... it was horrible.  Built a giant monstrosity of a Lego car.  It has a working transmission and everything.  Not much else going on otherwise.  Doom scrolling election news on twittex.  Don't recommend.

Have picture of finished Lego car, with banana for scale.  And a shot of the underside...  which you might find intriguing, given the engineering that goes into these things.  

This just barely scratches the surface of the insanity.  The entire back half of that thing is gears and stuff.

It even has the dihedral doors (I had to look that up... lol)

And that's the news from this little corner of the world.  It's quiet here.  Love you and miss you kiddo. 💙

Momma